CANCER, THINK TWICE BEFORE LETTING SOMEONE BACK IN! Someone From Your Past May Return Without Explaining Why They Left!
Why Your Instinct to Nurture Is Working Against You Right Now
There is a reason this hits you harder than it might hit someone else. You don’t love casually. When you let someone in, you build a home for them inside your routine. You remember how they take their coffee, what stresses them out at work, and which topics make them shut down. You anticipate their needs because caring for people is how you make sense of the world. So when someone you nurtured suddenly returns looking unbothered, your muscle memory kicks in immediately. You want to feed them, listen to them, smooth over the awkwardness so they don’t feel strange standing in your kitchen again.
But that instinct to soften every edge is exactly what leaves you exhausted. You end up doing the emotional labor for two people. You figure out how to act normal so they don’t feel guilty. You avoid bringing up the past so they don’t get defensive. You shrink your own hurt to fit inside their comfort zone. And while you are busy making sure they feel welcome, nobody is making sure you feel respected. You might convince yourself that their return is proof they realized your worth. You might tell yourself that leaving was just a mistake they needed to make to understand what they had. But wanting to believe that doesn’t make it true. Sometimes people come back simply because they are lonely, or bored, or because the new thing they tried didn’t work out. And if you hand them your softest parts before they even tell you why they dropped you the first time, you are setting yourself up for the exact same exit.
